When the ask is, "How can I be a better lover?" or the same but different ask, "Teach me how to please my partner," then you're ready for an advanced lesson in FOREPLAY. All can benefit sexually, physically, and spiritually from extending foreplay. However, when someone's pleasure turns outward there's a shift, their personal pleasure begins to arise from giving in addition to receiving. When you're honestly invested in this concept then the key you need is revealed to open the door to your next sexual journey.
If this is the first blog of mine you're reading understand education and awareness are key for me and not blatant pornographic tales.
Apologies for the disclaimer but if you're still here the rest of this blog is for YOU! I'll give the answers now and work backwards trusting if you've come this far you'll practice what's taught here because the practice is harder than the preaching.
THREE ULTRA -HARD- FOREPLAY PRACTICES
Starting with the most to least difficult...Why?
Your brain requires more time to process difficult concepts.
So here's a photo of my boobs to allow your brain to relax before the first step.
Some might think my practice is based on tantra. It's not. Tantra is many good things but not what I promote here.
1... Begin foreplay immediately after your last sexual encounter.
2... Be sexually creative.
3... Take your time with physical foreplay when you meet.
1... Foreplay after sex is the set-up for your next playtime. Begin foreplay AFTER sex? Yes. Not a typo. Foreplay for the absolute best sex begins immediately after your last encounter. Whenever you get the chance use your creative mind to visualize your next sexual encounter. It's challenging like trying to plan your next meal after you just ate. Begin with verbal affirmations of the time you just shared. Communicate that vision with your beloved. When you do it's called verbal foreplay.
VERBAL FOREPLAY is difficult because it's a PRACTICE. It doesn't work well if you do it once and be done because your partner might not take you seriously unless you persist. Practice is necessary not be awkward.
Find a way to respectfully communicate your sexual visions every time (yes, every time) you communicate with your partner. Your total communication shouldn't revolve around sex, but rather find a way to plant sexual seeds in your and your partner's mind.
If you don't have a regular partner you can begin foreplay as soon as you make a "sexual" connection with someone new. Foreplay that begins right after sex is better when you know someone well and you each feel comfortable with one another. If you haven't had a sexual encounter then it's prudent to wait for this kind of foreplay when you meet for your first sexual encounter.
Foreplay that extends from your last sexual encounter until the next is an advanced concept not for the faint of heart. You can modify your own practice to your comfort level until you get better. Finding the right words to incite stimulation is a glorious challenge. I love challenges. Every partner is different. Finding their sweet spots is fun and exciting when you see their eyes twinkle and widen and a sassy smile creep on their face at the thought of your words. With practice it can become almost as good as sex. Remember, during verbal foreplay your partners excitement is a priority. Continue to be mindful. Sometimes your partner will not be in the mood.
2... Creativity is the other reason that makes extended foreplay challenging yet so much fun! Being creative all the time is not easy because it requires a lot of mental work. Foreplay for better sex won't work well unless you make a habit of it. Once you condition your mind over time it will become easier until it feels natural... as it should be.
Blocking or ignoring your sexually creative mind today will stunt your physical sexual pleasure and outcomes tomorrow. The special act of sharing what's on your dirty mind with your partner is what defines it as sexual verbal foreplay. But first, there must be something in your mind to begin.
The reason why creativity is important to anything in life, including sex, is because the act of creation is stimulating and motivating. Discovering things new to you or creating unique things in the world somehow breathes life into our spirit. Don't ask me how that works. In my humble experience, when I'm not creative my spirit is down, and spirit soars with purpose when I'm creating that's when things look up and I tend to feel more positive.
3... Physical foreplay every time you meet when you're definitely not having sex (like brunch out) is another key practice. We all like to hug, rub, and cuddle the ones we're close to. Find a creative way to make affection more sexual and don't be afraid to express your explicit side once in a while. Some really like that, others don't know until they try. The ones that don't like it aren't your type anyway.
PDA ALL THE WAY! Public displays of affection are great ways to extend foreplay. Too uncomfortable for you? Not sure it's for you? Try to get used to it. Find a way that's discreet enough to fit yours and your partner's style and is fitting for the setting you're in.
Lastly, we arrive at physical sexual foreplay in the bedroom, the one we all know and adore. All genders benefit from extended physical naked sexual foreplay. All the different ways to foreplay in bed would take another blog, or two. Use your creative mind to find new and interesting ways to connect with one another's nakedness, inside and out, as much as possible before intercourse. You each should ideally almost orgasm right before having intercourse. Sometimes the foreplay is so good you can achieve orgasm without intercourse.
Susanna's personal philosophy and practice on extended foreplay is that it's verbal and physical over an EXTENDED period of time and not just when you get in bed. It's about growing desire slowly and spontaneously through verbal communication and physical contact. It's not about putting-off or abstaining from orgasm as in some tantric teachings. Take every orgasm you can get because you never know when you're gonna' die. Sad but true. Also, the faster you get one good one then the more time you have to try to get another :)