Non-monogamy, serial-monogamy, extra-marital sex, and polyamory are different ways of saying, "I want to have sex with other people." Ninety-nine percent (99%) of men I've met handily fall in this category. Yet, and somewhat irrationally, all feel very alone. All feel anxious at their yearning to step sexually outside their primary partnership to explore an intimate connection with someone else. If you feel like you need to talk to someone or confess you are married or otherwise involved, this blog is especially for you.
Even if we never meet, I'd like to share with you a few thoughts from my collected experience of hundreds of conversations with men on this very topic. I'm keenly aware my clients have a full life apart from our brief but deep and complex time together. If we do meet face-to-face one day then you will also be welcome to discuss anything you'd like.
As an escort I live a non-monogamous lifestyle full-time. I see no reason to get married. However, I treasure love and find long-term relationships satisfying. Making this work for me gets easier with time, care, and attention. The pursuit began when I was able to be completely honest and understanding with myself. Sensitivity, self-awareness, and authentic acknowledgment of my nature, needs, and desires was key to deep personal transformation.
A couple of good books that helped me with my own sexual identity and conflicts are:
Sex At Dawn
The newer subtitle of this book "How we mate. Why we stray and
what it means for modern relationships" is probably selling more copies than the old one: "The pre-historic origins of modern sexuality." That said, the book has an academic slant and reads more like title number two. Human sexual monogamy was created about 1,000 years ago. There are different theories why that happened, but no one is absolutely certain. "Monogamy in mammals is rare..." The concepts of monogamy, and consequently infidelity, are in my opinion 100% a creation of human culture, and not natural for us.
The Ethical Slut
The book "The Ethical Slut", is the life's work of two lesbians who explain in simpler terms how to live an non-monogamous life-style, be a good person in that lifestyle, and how to be safe as well. It's not about how to be a good escort although it can definitely help anyone, including escorts, who are having difficulty reconciling their virile drives with the pressures of society.
Ancient Greek and Roman politicians
were largely responsible for socially imposed monogamy as a political measure to stabilize and grow their armies at a time when the wealthy people enjoyed polygamy freely. You can find plenty of evidence
of this in historical documents as well as the Christian Bible. Polygamy and prostiution were neither immoral nor illegal during biblical times as depicted in these frescos from Pompeii in ancient Rome around 1-50 AD. What's more....
Sacred prostitution was a
concept accepted in other cultures and religions in different parts of the ancient world.
Fighting our nature places us in an internal conflict. Peace returns when we rid ourselves of internal conflict. The ability to take a decision, stand by it, and feel good about it will decide how much inner peace you perceive.
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony,” (Mahatma Gandhi). Mental work is not as easy. It takes time to search yourself, ask yourself the hard questions, and give yourself an honest answer. Whether your internal conflict is sexual in nature or some other life problem the path to peace is the same.
Now standing before you is a gorgeous, smiling, and sweet smelling escort. This should normally be an exhilarating, provacative, moving, and arousing experience. When a man is tormented with the anxiety of a sexual conflict, arousal is not his first feeling. Instead, his first time with an escort is foredoomed by his emotional reality: he is standing on the edge, looking over a craggy precipice of non-monogamy.
Talking with clients when they need it is part of what makes our time intimate. Asking befitting questions ultimately guides my clients toward sensitivity and self-awareness. In a short time there is a visible shift in their point of view. Although the precipice still and does exist, there is a path down into the precipice that is beautifully lined with orange poppies and yellow buttercups. At the bottom is crystal blue rushing river. Will you also be afraid of the roaring rapids, or do you see nature's rollercoaster?