Clients tell me regularly, often with nervousness in their voice and trepidation in their wide eyes, "This is my first time doing something like THIS." My casual reply is something like, "That's okay. Just do what comes natural. I'm privileged to know you chose me for your first time," and leave it at that. These first-timers remind me of the male Gift Giving Spider.
Some male spiders court potential female mates with "gifts" of food wrapped in silk and/or their sperm. These gifts are supposed to be nourishing for a female who must gestate and give birth to offspring. Male spiders with a proper gift for sex get the girl. The female slowly unwraps her delicious present while the male copulates.
Empty-handed spiders won't mate successfully. There are others who bring gag gifts instead. These gags are inedible like plant seeds or empty insect exoskeletons. If a worthless gift is offered then the female becomes hungry and angry: aka HANGRY. She-spider is no dummy, can quickly recognize deceit, and will push-off horny males, or mate then EAT THE MALE afterwards.
First-timers remind me of the gift-giving spider because of the amount of fear and preparation they must overcome in order to mate. The main fears men have when thinking of their first escort experience are: sexually transmitted infections, police interaction, getting robbed or scammed, and getting found out by others. It's those and other fears that get in the way of one's ability to fully realize their first escort adventure.
So before we get on to the "Do's and Don'ts" let's pause a moment to ponder the idea that paranoia, desperation, and self-defeating ideas can cause us to make mistakes we otherwise wouldn't. It's common to get a little nervous on a first date, especially if you have never met before. However, if you are overly stressed, emotionally dependent, or fearful and expect the object of your desire to hold your hand through the process then you'll surely be disappointed. An escort is like the female gift-giving spider who will quickly detect your fear, may avoid interacting with you further, and possibly eat you alive. So what is a horny gift-giving-male-spider supposed to do?
First you have to reset your brain to understand you do not have the market cornered on fear and anxiety. Both clients and escorts have anxiety over meeting someone new for the first time. So pull yourself together, stop being so self-centered, and have a little empathy for the escort as well. It should help ease your fears to know we're all in the same boat. If you need more help allaying fears of getting arrested, sexually-transmitted-infections, or getting scammed then it might help to read my other blogs:
Up to now we've been exploring my first two pieces of advice when thinking of seeing an escort for the first time: 1) Have empathy 2) Work to ease your own fears, or at least not burden anyone else with them. The good thing about bad feelings is, they don't last forever, so give yourself time and space to get where you need to be mentally before booking an appointment. Escorting experience shows that confidence levels are higher with those who have tried a provider at least once.
Now that we have dealt with your emotional state we can move on to the "Do's and Don'ts" of contacting and visiting an independent escort. My experience in this arena has always been as an independent escort. I have worked alongside other independent escorts as a duo but never with an agency. I can only speak from my experience.
DO: When you find an independent escort you would like to see then read her online material thoroughly. Honest escorts want to be found and have taken time to post specific details of how they prefer to be contacted. Go over her ad and/or website to get a complete understanding of how to book properly. Be mindful of things like: time of day to contact, preferred contact method, and pieces of information to be included in your first contact.
DON'T: When you don't pay attention to basic contact etiquette then an escort will take it as a sign you are not a serious client. Remember we are talking about independent escorts who do not gather in escort unions. There are no joint provider policies on escorting. By our very definition we are highly independent and each one has unique contact preferences so take the same time and care to learn about each one. That said there are some basic things common to all providers because we all want to be respected. Paying attention to and following an escort's particular booking preferences is great way to show respect, as well as the easiest path to a good time.
DO: Be serious and ready to book before making first contact with an escort. If you have a question for a provider that needs to be answered before you decide and you cannot find the answer on her ad or website, then asking POLITELY, respectfully, and without vulgarity is perfectly okay, ie: "Do you charge extra for fetish requests?" NOT, "Do you charge extra for peeing on me?" I will always take the time to answer questions people may have as long as they are asked tastefully, without vulgarity, or sexually explicit.
DON'T: A man who can be vulgar with ANY woman (not just escorts) whom he has never met before, and has no personal knowledge or permission thereof, has boundary issues and possibly a mental disorder. Don't be that guy.
Don't negotiate the price unless you want her to eat you alive.
Don't negotiate the deposit.
Don't leave out info she needs for screening
Don't send dick-picks (I don't get these but lots of escorts complain).
Don't ask basic questions that can easily be found online.
When guys contact me asking the simplest thing like: "What are your rates?", then I automatically assume he's yanking his wanker at home and feeding me an inedible gag gift.
Waiting for the Day
DO: Wait patiently and remain as calm as possible. If a deposit is required then pay it immediately. If something comes up and you need to cancel
then do it with as much advance notice possible.
DON'T: Don't cancel if you can help it, especially if you have never met before. If you must forfeit your deposit as a result of your cancelling then don't complain. Cancelling at the last minute is a social faux pas in any setting. A vast majority who cancel on providers at the last minute are, for the most part, not actual clients. They masturbate and cum to our text messages and emails. Once relieved they no longer need to book. I've learned to tell the difference to save the few who are real. The rest of the fakers I eat for dinner.
On the Day of Your Special Date
DO: Text or email on the day of your date to confirm you are still looking forward to meeting. My preference is for a date to text earlier in the day to confirm, and later text their ETA when on their way. I also provide the same courtesy if I am driving to a date. If your schedule changes and you need to arrive earlier or later then give as much notice as possible with the understanding your date may not be able to accommodate. Take a shower with soap as close to your date time as possible.
DON'T: Don't use heavy soaps when showering or colognes. They taste gross. It's unnecessary to shave your entire body. If your hair bothers you then it's better to trim very close, keeping the hair soft and not prickly.
On a few occasions some men have asked upon first meet, "Are you a cop?" Not only is that question offensive to real providers because we could ask the same of you, but also reveals how unprepared and scared these men are, and so very unattractive. Cops can lie, and often do. They can get nude and participate in sex acts before arresting a suspect and it's all perfectly LEGAL. Besides, you don't have to pay money or commit any acts to be arrested for solicitation. Simply showing up is enough. If you are standing in front of a real cop asking that question it's already too late. So don't embarrass yourself by going there.
Asking about STI's is also touchy. If you are really worried about cops and STI's then you're probably not a good candidate for an escort adventure at this time. I've had several gentleman ask AFTER a session, "What about STI's?" These poor souls need educating and I'll take time to allay those fears. To be clear: STI TESTS DO NOT PROTECT YOU FROM STI's, they only reveal them. You don't have to be promiscuous to get a sexually related disease. You can get an STI with a french kiss. The only absolutely certain way to protect yourself is ABSTINENCE. Once I had a regular client who visited me at least ten (10) times after which he finally gave me an ultimatum to show him a recent STI test or he would discontinue seeing me. So I offered him my "LET's GET TESTED" option. He declined and I had no problems dropping him as a client.
After your session...
DO: It's my pleasure to please, so if you enjoyed your session and would like to return then say it before leaving or later that same day. Communicating affirmations is essential to establishing a good ongoing relationship. When a client says he would like to return I make a mental note as well as physical one in order to remember him better. Remember, communication before or after a session with an escort should be short and revolve around booking.
DON'T: Communicating days or weeks after meeting to repeatedly tell a provider you enjoyed your shared time will be seen as blatant attention-seeking behavior. I particularly do not have clients like this but I've heard from other providers it happens too often. Along the same lines, don't call or text to chit-chat. This is for everyone's privacy and safety. If you are married then this piece of advice is essential. The less you say the better.
Escorts block clients ALOT... all the time
It can happen anytime before or after meeting where an escort might stop communicating with you. If you contact an escort three or more times without response then that can be good indicator you have been BLOCKED: banned from seeing that particular escort for all eternity. Do stop contacting her but don't let that get you down. Some escorts get so tired of telling clients the same things over-and-over that their fuses get shorter and they become hard and less willing to deal. That is not my style but I do have some hard-n-fast boundaries.
Also, I have defined red flags to keep me safe from disrespectful, dangerous, or double dealing defrauders. I cannot tell you what they all are because there are many, and telling would spoil the fun. Also, I don't want men pandering only later to be disappointed. However, the top three things escorts complain about and block clients for are:
Discussing services, fetishes/desires/special requests before meeting
Using vulgarity or explicit references
Crossing clear boundaries
Regularly cancelling appointments
In my practice there are no second chances for clients who are disrespectful, manipulate, mislead, or lie. The booking and meeting process is tenuous. It can breakdown easily and permanently if trust is eroded.
This article is for FIRST-TIMERS: people who have never seen an escort before, or people who are seeing a new escort for the first time. Once you have met a live escort face-to-face and enjoyed one another, then some of those rules may fade away with familiarity. For example, my return clients are allowed to make special requests before we meet. You can read more about "Benefits for Return Patrons" in another blog.
If you have awakenings to your sexuality and want to try an escort for the first time then feel comforted, because you have arrived at one of the most compassionate and most non-judgmental places to explore those desires more.