Healthy consensual sex is natural, feels good, and is good for you. It's not about performance.
When we stop obsessing about performance our mind is freed to notice deeper satisfaction by opening up to immediate sensations. For me, sex is one of the best forms of exercise and fountain of youth. Sex helps us perform better overall in life by increasing FLOW. However, sex performance is not my goal because it's all about feeling good by: making an intimate connection with another soul and bringing about a sense of peace and well-being.
High "SEX-expectations" for yourself or others will surely disappoint and rob you of being in the present moment. If you're doing what feels good and enjoy your body it awakens your sexual spirit. The very fact you are completely immersed in deeply enjoying yourself is super-sexual. For example, people can quickly pick-up on the spirit of party-pooper who avoids joining when everyone else is smiling, talking, singing, dancing and enjoying each other.
If you feel your performance is lacking and want to improve, start with an honest answer when you ask yourself some of these questions first:
Why do I want to improve?
What do I want to improve?
Will my sexual goals improve my overall quality of life?
What is my current state of health?
Could my diet be affecting my performance?
Are medications affecting my performance?
Am I listening to outdated sex messages from my culture mom, preacher, or spouse?
Are my *sexpectations* for myself reasonable?
NEVER apologize to anyone for taking your pleasure during healthy consensual sexual playtime. At the same time, do not apologize for being unable to GIVE pleasure.
Both ways of thinking are perfomance based. We are each responsible for opening our minds and confidently enjoying our sexuality no matter what point of life we are in. If you are unsure of how to do this, stay tuned for my next blog post. As long as everything is consensual there is no reason to apologize for anything. I cannot repeat this enough. Why are you apologizing for enjoying yourself? The other person is most likely enjoyed themselves and NOT SORRY. That spirit takes away from their enjoyment.
Is it possible that culture and/or religion could be affecting your performance? Don't let it. We were made to have sex along with the birds and bees. Trying to control your healthy sexual nature is as futile as telling a dog to stop barking. If you think we were made to have sex only to pro-create, try explaining that to the Bonobos monkeys who also have sex for pure pleasure as well as same-sex fondling. Finding your sexual self is an exciting journey, and as you get older you change so having an open mind is vital.
Are you waiting for someone sexy or chemistry to fall upon you in order for you to be turned you on? STOP giving your sexual power away. Remember again, you are responsible for turning yourself on. The ability to be in complete control of your own sexuality is empowering. I can ALWAYS find my pleasure zone alone, or with someone, or even in a room full of people ;-))
If you have any questions for me about how to open your mind for better sexual performance I'd like to hear from you in the comments section below. I may answer some of them in my next blog post so stay tuned.
Hugs and Love
Susanna DC Treat